mnkyonurbck

One day, Sally Norell woke up in her Los Angeles apartment to find her boyfriend was gone. He had left a note saying he had to go to New Mexico. He didn’t explain his reasons, and Sally was confused. She spent the whole day lying in bed trying to figure out why he had left her. The next day she spent eating ice cream and watching John Cusack movies, until her friend Serendipity, a hairdresser, came over.
Serendipity immediately noticed that something was wrong with her friend, so she asked, “Hey girl, what’s up with you?”
“Well, my boyfriend just moved to New Mexico without telling me bye or giving me a reason.”
“Oh girl, please. That’s happened to me like, five times.”
“Really?”
“No, seriously, what are the chances of me having five boyfriends that didn’t know each other, all just randomly move to New Mexico without any explanation?”
“Yeah, you’re right. Well, what should I do?”
“Lets hitch-hike to New Mexico.”
“Hey, yeah, and then maybe we’ll run into him.”
“Are you seriously like, brain damaged? Do you know how big New Mexico is?”
“Do you know how many white people live in New Mexico?”
“Alright that’s a good point.”
“So are we going?”
“Alright, I’ll take off work for the next few days, but you better find your boyfriend.”
Early the next morning, the two women began walking down the California Interstate. After an hour or so of walking backwards with their thumbs held out, a white bronco pulled up to them. Inside the car was OJ Simpson. He looked at the two women and said, “Quote the Raven ‘never more’ ladies.”
“What?” Sally asked him.
“Oh, nothing. I just really enjoy saying quote the Raven ‘never more’. So where you girls headed?”
The two girls turn and whisper to each other about whether or not they should ride in a car with OJ Simpson. But Sally won the argument, so they turned back to OJ Simpson and said, “New Mexico.”
“Really, I was just headed there myself.”
“Really, why on Earth would you want to go to New Mexico?”
“Because Mike Tyson has been talking a lot of trash about how I’m a washed up athlete who’s too old to even walk my dog. So I challenged him to a fight in New Mexico.”
“Well that makes sense,” Sally said.
“So, do you girls want a ride?”
“Sure,” Sally said.
The two girls started to get in the car, and just as Sally was about to sit in the passenger seat, OJ screamed, "No, don’t sit on Spud!”
“What?”
“Spud, my pet potato.”
Sally looked bellow her, and saw a potato with eyes and a mouth painted on it, resting in the passenger seat. Sally reached down and picked the potato up.
“Be careful with him, he’s my buddy,” OJ said.
“Okay,” Sally said.
“Wait, before we go…are you even allowed to leave the state of California?” Serendipity asked OJ Simpson.
“Hey, people shouldn’t be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people, quote the Raven ‘never more’,” he replied.
And with that the group sped off down the highway, until about half way through Arizona when they stopped for another hitchhiker. This time it was a girl named Rob.
“So, where you headed Rob?” OJ asked her.
“To New Mexico, because I won a contest to go shopping with Michael Jackson!” She screamed.
“Why in New Mexico?” Sally asked.
“Because Michael doesn’t feel comfortable in California anymore.”
“Oh, well that makes sense, get it,” Sally said.
So the group set off for New Mexico yet again. Along the way OJ noticed that traffic was lessening, but he also noticed that there were several police cars swarming around him. “I wonder what’s going on,” OJ said.
So he turned the radio to the nearest news station which was broadcasting the following: OJ Simpson is speeding down the Eisenhower yet again in his white Bronco, except this time he has three white women inside. Sources indicate that all are named Nikki and are probably dead by now…allegedly.
“I can’t go through another trial!” OJ screamed, and swerved the Bronco off the road, flipping it.
Nobody in the car survived, except for Spud the potato, because he’s just cool like that.

*Note: this story made references about OJ Simpson’s charges of murdering his wife Nicole Simpson a decade ago. Those jokes do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the writer or production/printing company.

Thank You.

okay, from now on this is my artistic journal, all the songs i write, and whenever i feel like posting one of the random shorts i write will go here.